His Name is Mike Mohill.
Updated: 1 day ago
When does it start snowing? This transplant would like to know.
Hi, Darlings. It's a Tuesday and our favorite show isn't on, two weeks in a row! Last week's city council meeting was a scheduled off. This week lacked the necessary quorum for the show to go on. Alas, what's a Lady to do?
Thankfully we've been reprieved by our good friend, Sandi Fernando. Sandi likes cold stares, hot pants, sparkles, and snarling. She also has a few things to say about city council's favorite recurring -phobe/-ist, Mike Mohill.
Thank you, Lady Whistledale.
Another city council meeting, another rambling missive from Glendale's favorite self-anointed "reporter," the inexhaustibly aggrieved Mike Molehill Mohill. For someone of the Silent Generation, he couldn't keep his yap shut even if it meant no bike lanes, ever! What's happened now, Mike? What racist/sexist/transphobic/NIMBY/allegedly communist thing has your knickers in a twist this week (I can't be the only one dry heaving, thinking about Mike's delicates)? The man seems to have no end of personal gripes about, well, everyone and everything and then some. I'd be embarrassed for him if he weren't so determined to defend his title as Glendale's most tedious crackpot. And while I understand maintaining that title takes effort, on behalf of all of Glendale, I'd like to encourage Mike to find a better hobby (and that doesn't include the libelous, rambling, and factually bereft email "newsletter" he forcibly subscribes Glendalians to). Perhaps you've got a cloud to yell at, from the comfort of home? How about water aerobics? Watercolors? Watersports?
Dear readers, I was thinking about how every time Mike steps up to comment, everyone in the room, even (especially?) our city council members, must be utterly bored to tears, so here's some helpful suggestions for how the unwilling audience might tolerate his tantrums at the podium:
rousing rendition of "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall"
make "wahp wahp wah" Charlie Brown teacher noises, which are roughly as coherent as Mike is
distribute Bingo cards with his most predictable objections
take the opportunity to work the aisle like the runway royalty you are!
everyone on council making the jerk off gesture, directly at Mike!
the audience does the wave (will the GPD officers join in?)
there's never a bad time for a dance break!
should Mike start ranting about the travesty of anyone being gay in public (his annual rant against Pride, perhaps?), very loudly (extra points if it's in song!) remind him of his 1987 arrest and conviction for solicitation of lewd acts in a public place. Did he then obey the law like he exhorts us to? Girl, can you believe that the very. Next. Year. He was arrested again for solicitation, or exposing himself!? Bricks, glass houses, etc.
Anyhoo, the moral of the story is: GO GET AS MUCH DICK AS YOU WANT. Instead of living his best horny life, Mike decided to retreat into the closet, marry a beard, and repress what he clearly wanted, and where did that leave him? A bitter, insufferable windbag who can't stand seeing LGBTQIA+ people lead full, authentic, public lives, and whose jealousy drives him to oppose anyone enjoying themselves and any social progress that exceeds 1952's mores. Maybe if Mike had fucked more, city council meetings would be much more pleasant.
😘Thank you, Sandi. Visit us again soon. That you think Mr. Mohill can still get it up is admirably positive of you! Let's not make it a challenge. Unless it's while at a council meeting, then I'm riveted!
