The Island of Misfit toys

Honey, I'm still trying to grapple with Liza 2026. She can put even me under the table but we did have a good time under there that one contest we had. Don't judge me boys, Lady Whistledale always puts a good time above principles; believe me, Liza knows how to handle a queen.

Oh, right: this.

Let us not be too hasty, it ain't over until the Diva sings. Until then, however it swings, let us review THIS Island of Misfits.

Ara Najarian over there smiling or squeezing one out, counting down the weeks she wraps up her scorched earth legacy. Had she been wise enough to skip this round she'd have had a legacy. Now she certainly has a legacy, all right. Not quite the one she could have had, no idea why she chose to destroy that, maybe hence the constipation. Even the cocktail of pharmaceuticals I ingest daily, prescribed and not, haven't done me in in this way, or have they? No matter, all of Glendale will kiss her ass and weep to the last goodbye.

We have current city council candidate Alex Balekian, also a legend in her own mind. Ask her anything, the answer is, "As a doctor and a researcher..." Ask her what time it is, ask her the best way to get to Sunland, ask her if she knows the difference between Miracle Whip and Mayonnaise, as a physician and a researcher she knows! For goodness sake don't correct her or so much as disagree. Girl has quite a cognitive dialogue trigger. You'll get blocked.

Beth Brooks, I'm sensing a theme here, legend in her own mind. A self-proclaimed marketing specialist, if her campaign is any indication it was a duly short career. Not quite sure a single policy or goal, she is all over the place. Her stated qualification seems to be she's been to almost every city council meeting. I take a pretty healthy shit every morning for a lot more years than Chippie's been breathing, I know nothing about plumbing. I do know her "slate" keeps not mentioning her. It's a Mean Girls thing.

Where's the gun that shoots jelly? Where's Charlie in the Box, the train with square wheels? Must be school board candidates.

Patrick Murphy, I almost feel sorry for this girl except I don't. She's just tragic. Starched white shirts, those most unfortunate veneers of an era, the personality of a piece of cardboard. I can't muster the strength.

These women set women back decades, so disappointing to see all that hard work on their collective behalves gone to seed. Three who are Mean Girls, one who is chasing after them like a desperate puppy in hopes of their affection.

One actually has a partner who supports them, go figure. Island of Misfit Toys? Absolutely. But don't underestimate them, children. In lieu of a single policy beyond burning down all the other policies, they instead prey on senior homeowners with disinformation, hysteria and fear tactics, like good grifters do. And seniors vote, the collective Santa who could give them their forever home.

Take nothing for granted: VOTE. We prefer not this MAGA slate. Trust me, darlings, all their screwing will be above the table.